


No One Knows

by anastasiapullingteeth



Series: Shenanigans [5]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Aromantic, Attempt at Humor, Coming Out, Self-Discovery, with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 17:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10971651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasiapullingteeth/pseuds/anastasiapullingteeth
Summary: Courfeyrac stumbles upon the term “aro spectrum” and his curiosity gets the best of him.Or the story of how Courfeyrac finally finds a label that fits.





	No One Knows

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely self-indulgent, sorry.
> 
> For the readers that found this because of [#AggressivelyArospecWeek](http://aggressivelyarospec.tumblr.com/post/159383784050/welcome-back-to-aggressively-arospec-week-the), this fic is set in a _huge_ universe I created back in 2014, inspired by Green Day songs, but you can get the basic settings from [here](http://anastasiapullingteeth.tumblr.com/post/157905205539/sweet-children-enjolras-x-grantaire-enjolras-is) and [here](http://anastasiapullingteeth.tumblr.com/tagged/rockbandau/chrono).
> 
> Enjoy!

It’d all started with a fan response on Instagram:

> _**carpediemslave** [@camilllla](http://target%3D/) I’m pretty sure [@fakecourfeyrac](http://target%3D/) is somewhere on the aro spectrum, though…_

Courfeyrac was probably the only one that actually spent an incredibly amount of time reading what the fans wrote him or the band. He enjoyed scrolling through the feed of any of his social media, joking around with the fans, offering support when they reached out to him, or not so politely calling them out on their bullshit when they crossed a line —like that one time a bunch of them had made fun of Bossuet’s baldness. It was safe to say Courfeyrac had a good communication with the fan base, and that was why he was now wondering if he should just blatantly ask what the hell the “aro spectrum” was, or simply ignore the topic and get going with his life.

Ultimately, he decided for the later, but the doubt wouldn’t stop bothering him for the next few days.

The comment had been in one of Combeferre's photos where the drummer had written extensively about his friend's good looks. The fans had started a heated discussion about whether Courfeyrac should join Éponine and Combeferre in a polyamory relationship or if he should, once and for all, confess he'd been dating Jehan since 2012; the response that was now disturbing Courfeyrac's sleep came from a fan that assured he wouldn't do any of those because of that "aro spectrum" thing, whatever the hell that meant.

It didn't ring a bell, to be honest, but he was an 80% sure the "aro" part was short for something —that or it was a word in a language he didn't know. Either way, he thought about doing some research, not because he needed an "excuse" to be permasingle, many people were, but maybe a small part of him would like to know if there was a reason for him to be... like that.

He'd do it tomorrow, though. It didn't have to be right away.

 

Of course, he forgot about it for a few weeks, until he saw it mentioned by a LGBT+ account he followed on Twitter. They were advocating for the inclusion of asexuals and aromantics, and that aroused Courf's curiosity. He knew what asexual was, but the other word was new to him. It was easy to guess what it meant, but one of the reasons he was so reluctant to read more about it was he refused to accept he was no longer in sync with the youngsters.

He used to think he was well versed and up to date when it came to sexuality. He was sure he knew _everything_ that was there to know about the subject —like, none of his friends was Straight™, except for Marius—, it was painful to admit he'd been left behind by the kids. He also refused to be a douche and think of it as "another teenage thing". He'd been _that_  teenager. He'd been that boy that felt at home when he heard someone talking about pansexuality for the first time. He was conscious about language changing according to the current reality, but he couldn't grasp the concept of him not knowing who he really was at that point in his life.

"Hey, dude. Pass the milk, would you?" Grantaire said, snapping him out of his reverie.

Courf lifted his head and found two pairs of eyes staring curiously at him. He was in the apartment he shared now with Jehan, having breakfast with him and Grantaire. Grantaire had arrived a day before for his weekly sleepover with Jehan —something like a date night, similar to those that couples had sometimes, but completely platonic. It was one of Grantaire's many changes since he moved in with Enjolras; it was their day, one for only him and Jehan. It wasn't uncommon that they were cooking breakfast when Courf got there, so they always invited him to join them.

"Yeah, sorry. What did you say?"

Grantaire and Jehan exchanged a look. "You're, like, miles away", Jehan commented. "It's something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine... Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what's up?"

Courf bit his lips. "Do you think people, let's say, not exactly a teenager, but more, like, an adult... Do you think they can be late bloomers?" He wanted to kick himself; that hadn't been subtle at all.

Grantaire made a funny face, probably taking in Courfeyrac's weird ass question, but Jehan cocked his head and narrowed his eyes, knowingly. "I don't think so", the young man said. "If a person doesn't feel like doing certain things with other people, no matter the age, that's just how they are."

Jehan smiled reassuringly and Courf felt the sudden urge to hug him; Grantaire was already looking at them like they'd gone bananas, so Courfeyrac resumed eating his breakfast with renewed joy.

 

Jehan's words boosted Courf's confidence. He made himself comfortable in his room, preparing a nest with extra pillows, a whole tube of red wine ice-cream, and his favorite and super comfy pajamas, and took his laptop with him. He typed the word "aromantic" in the search bar and thousands of results flooded his screen. He shoved a full spoon of ice-cream into his mouth before clicking on one.

He wasn't sure what he should expect. He remembered from his younger years in LGBT spaces —when he'd just met Enjolras and he'd dragged him to a protest that had later inspired _Coming Clean—_ that even inside the community were... disagreements about what was accepted and what not. He'd experienced firsthand the backlash against bisexuals and, later on, pansexuals for not being attracted exclusively to people of their same gender. That, in the end, had made them, and particularly Enjolras, so incredibly furious that they'd decided to detach themselves from the movement. They still supported and spoke openly about it whenever they could, but never considered themselves part of the community again.

He'd read somewhere the hate was directed now to asexuals and intersex people, so he supposed things hadn't changed that much and, the fact that he hadn't even heard of aromanticism before was a good indicator that he was right. Keeping in mind that he should be critical of the information he was about to read, he clicked on the first link, a site specialized in asexuality.

"Aromantic..." he read aloud, "'a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others'... Well, if that isn't kinda general," he mumbled to himself. He kept reading definition after definition of the aro spectrum and all the identities that fell into it without the sudden epiphany of seeing himself in those words. Romantic attraction... how was he supposed to know if he felt that, if he didn't even know what it meant?

He looked that up and the first definition he found in a site called _AVENwiki_  left him even more confused. "'A desire for a romantic relationship... Okay...” he repeated, unsure. "I've never wanted one of those, so either I am a fuckboy, or I'm aromantic."

He still wasn't convinced, though. The more he looked up, the more doubts he had. The definition of romance described things he wanted from his friends, even thing's he'd done with them a few times. What if he really did feel romantic attraction and was just being coward and immature?

As expected, he found a load of arguments against aromatics and asexuals; Courf felt a hole in his stomach. He was old enough to understand that that hate came mainly from ignorance, but felt sorry for the young people, the kids trying to figure themselves in a place that so blatantly spat those mean words without any care or regards for those they could hurt.

He took some time off from his research to assimilate everything he'd read. He didn't feel comfortable using the label on himself for many reasons, including his age and the fact that he was way too affectionate to be really aromantic. He pushed it to back of his mind again, thinking that maybe he could just classify it as "things I learned once while eating ice-cream", and forget about it.

He didn't succeed in acting like nothing was happening and he was confronted with said realization when Jehan sat him down one Saturday and asked him what was bothering him so much. Courfeyrac tried to beat around the bush for at least 20 minutes before Jehan begged him to just say what was on his mind. The drummer bit his lip and explained him what he'd been through, from the fan's random comment, to his research on the Internet.

"But, I don't know. I don't think it applies to me. I... am not like they describe."

"First of all, what those fans did was wrong. That was invasive, but I'm happy it helped you," Jehan said with a sour smile. He then took his hand and rubbed small circles with his thumb. "Second, I'm sure there's more than one way to be aromantic. You don't have to be textbook aro; you just need to embrace this new part of you."

"Dude, I can't have an identity crisis at 35! I'm too old for this." Jehan laughed openly and Courf had to follow; he felt he was making a tempest in a teapot.

"You know what I think you should do?"

"What?"

"Go talk to Cosette, I bet she can help you." At Courfeyrac's questioning look, Jehan just kissed his cheek. "Trust me, talk to her."

 

Courfeyrac went alone to see Cosette. The blonde received him with a smile and invited him to take a seat in her beautiful, rustic living room. There was no one else in the house, and that helped Courf to feel more comfortable; if he was going to make a fool of himself, the less witnesses, the better.

"What did you want to talk about, Courf?" Cosette asked kindly.

He shrugged, unsure of how to bring up the subject since Jehan had refused to tell him why exactly he thought Cosette could help him. "I think I may be... Well, I don't know if you know what this means, like, I'd never heard the word before, so probably you haven't either. But Jehan said you can help me, so here I am," he rambled, nervously. He stared at the blonde intently, but her expression was one of complete confusion.

She tilted her head. "And you think you may be... what?"

"Oh! Shit, right." He rolled his eyes at himself. "I think I may be... aromantic?"

"Oh," Cosette nodded. "I see why Jehan sent you here.

"You know what that is?"

"Yes."

"So you're...?"

"No," Cosette shook her head, smiling. "But I'm asexual, so I can understand how it's like to name something that isn't there."

"I- I didn't know that." Courfeyrac wanted to smack himself. He'd heard Cosette once saying she wasn't straight, but it had never occurred to him that she could be asexual. Now he feels like an asshole for not even considered it an option.

"Not many people do," Cosette affirmed. "But I think it makes perfect sense that you identify as aromantic. I never talked to you about it because it's not my place to tell you how to identify as, but it does make sense."

"Do you really think I fit the label? Because I'm not so sure."

He told Cosette the entire story, even though she insisted he didn't have to; he _wanted_ to. He talked a little about his past, people he felt attracted to, and even his relationship with Jehan. Cosette listened carefully, letting him vent without interrupting, until he felt he'd said everything he needed to. "And, I mean, I'm too clingy to be aromantic. I love hugs and cuddling. I enjoy kissing Jehan and I'm pretty sure he's my soulmate. I just... don't feel like dating. Doesn't that make me a jerk?"

"No", Cosette said without a trace of doubt in her voice. "Look, I'm asexual, and probably none of you would believe it because I make more sex jokes that any of you." She was right, she could beat Bahorel's ass with her kind of humor. "But that doesn't make me any less ace, nor does my marriage with Marius. It's not about if you fit into the label, but if the label fits _you_. It's meant to help you, not to trap you or condition you to be a certain way. If you're still unsure, find people on the aro spectrum and listen to their experiences. It's gonna take you a while to feel comfortable with the label if you finally decide to use it, but no one is pressuring you. And, if you think it's not for you and... bisexual?"

"Pansexual," Courf corrected.

"And pansexual is enough for you, that's also okay."

"Thank you," he murmured, hugging Cosette tightly. "That was... Thank you, that was some sweet shit, dude."

Cosette laughed, hugging him back.

 

By the time he went back to his apartment, he was feeling considerably cheerful. He was excited by this new discovery, and knowing that, not only there were other people like him, but that they prided themselves in their identity. He decided to try the label for a while, tell Jehan all about it and, if he felt it was actually who he was, share it with their fans. They were his family as well and, just like Enjolras had become a light of hope when he came out publicly a few years back, maybe he could be that for young arospecs trying to find their place in the world.

That was what he wanted. He wanted to be the role model he never had while growing up. He wouldn't let them feel alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine if someone famous came out as aro? Holy shit.
> 
> [[Other works for this event](http://anastasiapullingteeth.tumblr.com/tagged/aaw%2A)]


End file.
